Week 34

It is so hard to believe I am going to be 34 weeks pregnant tomorrow! This pregnancy has gone by so quickly, for which I am very grateful! Emmaline has been a great distraction, not only for me, but for other people. Since Emmaline is almost always with me I haven't had as many people asking about, or even noticing for that matter, my pregnancy this time around; they are all distracted by how "cute" Emmaline is. Since I haven't been forced to discuss it with every person I meet, this pregnancy hasn't really been on my mind constantly. It has been a great relief to me.

I had a day of panic when it hit me that I am now possibly six weeks away from going into labor. It just kind of snuck up on me. After my dismay and anxiety passed, I found myself actually excited about feeling the first twinge of a contraction. Maybe the Lord settled my heart and spirit, somehow assuring me that this labor was going to be different. I am sure it will still be hard and painful, but at least it will be different. I have all my bags packed and am just waiting to deliver some items to my sisters sister-in-law before I get the van loaded up and ready. I will save one small suitcase to load up last minute, but mostly I am ready to go. I am supposed to bring four pillows with me to the birthing center, which I had loaded up and ready last time about two months before Emmaline actually decided to come. This time around I am going to have to put those in the van last minute as well; either I have lost some pillows along the way, or am using a lot more of them this time around. Who knows?

It has been a while since I have felt miserably stretched out and uncomfortable. I am somewhat surprised at how small Ian is for as far along as I am. I have had the few people who do ask about my pregnancy respond with surprise when they find out just how far along I am. My midwife said I was measuring three weeks behind, "Like last time" when I went to see her last week. For some reason this information didn't really register with me at the time, so I failed to ask her if "last time" meant when I was pregnant with Emmmaline, or the last time I had been measured. I will have to try to remember to ask her about it the next time I see her.

My vein problems are still worsening. It has now progressed to the point where sitting on chairs that keep my feet from resting on the floor properly causes pain, discomfort and lack of circulation in my legs. My feet start to swell up and my legs begin to ache. If I sit at all now I pretty much have to keep my feet up on something and lean back a bit. Otherwise keeping my legs up puts pressure on my belly which in turn puts pressure on my stomach, which in turn makes me feel sick.

Despite these complications/discomforts I am feeling pretty well, and do my best not to complain. I may have circulation problems, but at least I am not throwing up all the time. I still consider myself blessed by God to be carrying another child and to have another opportunity to be a mother. However, with all that has happened I have seriously been thinking about whether this is God's way of telling us this is as many children as we were meant to have biologically. I must admit that I have begun to wonder if it is wise to put my body and life at risk for the sake of bringing another child into this world when we could and want to adopt other children. Would it be better to be a mother to many children, even if they are not my own, or have more of our own children but possibly not be around to be their mother? I am leaning toward the first part, but David and I do not want to make this decision lightly. We still have a lot of praying to do before a decision is made, and we will trust in the Lord no matter what to take care of us as He has so far!